she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
