You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
