i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
