she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
