It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
So squirting runs in the family.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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