You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
