we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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