I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
