it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
