we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
