somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
