Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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