I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
