You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
