It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
being pregnant is like rehab
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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