Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
