I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
