So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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