The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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