i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So much rum. So many feels.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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