you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
