Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
