The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
