After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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