like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
