at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i drank out of a bidet.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
