What a fucking waste of an outfit
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
