im drinking this country out of the recession.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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