when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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