Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
