Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
