I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
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my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
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