Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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