I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
