I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
