roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
