I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
