he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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