So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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