There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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