im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
