Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
