just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
