never play flip cup with pint glasses
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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