we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
