You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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