Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize