This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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