i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I have fence marks all over my body
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
