You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you didnt know i had herpes?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize