People in love make me want to vomit
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
