so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Who wears a wallet chain?!
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
