accomplished twins. life is a go
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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