yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
