Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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