I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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