I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
