it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
