I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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