You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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