obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He better not be in your backpack
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
