some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
