i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
