my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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